explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
