I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What drink are we having for lunch?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
