thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
