got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
