I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
