I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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