so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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