My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
