the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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