$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize