Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I came so hard my ears popped.
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