Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
