Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
