worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
