After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
