reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
