Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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