She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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