where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
