handjob tips. give me some.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
