Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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