Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
