I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
