Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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