I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize