My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
