I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
