Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
