Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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