Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize