Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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