i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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