She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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