I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
