What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
