He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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