You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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