i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
