Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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