brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
