I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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