I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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