i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
