no. you can't hotbox the world.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
