i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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