and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
