I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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