after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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