worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize