lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
