you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
