Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
