do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
