the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
