PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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