just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
