Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
