Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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