Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ok first of all what the fuck
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
