I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
