She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
