Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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