Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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