And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
